Our Family: March 2020

Since Dad died, I have had a hard time keeping up with my Monthly blog post/journaling. Today is the first time in a long while that I have had time and energy to write again.

Dad's Passing

Before Dad died, the Sunday after they told us he was not going to make it, before the boys came in, I woke up that morning and felt very strongly that I needed to go to the hospital. So I got Spencer up and let him know and left. It was also the first Sunday that church was canceled, so I missed our first home church.

I got to the hospital and sat with Dad and held his hand. He apologized for not being very interesting. And I cried a little. I'm so glad that I had that time.

I don't remember if it was then or later, but he told me to finish my dissertation and to take care of Mom. He repeated the last part several times. Then I told him that Spencer and I had considered buying a house with Mom/inviting her to live with us. Once I told him that, he stopped asking me to take care of her.

Later that day, the Sunday, Tyler flew in for the day. I don't remember the logistics, but everyone came and then some left. Tyler flew in for a day. Kevin drove in for a few days. I don't remember what Stephen did, but I know that everyone got to see and talk to Dad while he was still lucid. David and his family came out and stayed until after the funeral as he could work from home.

Tyler and his family returned for the funeral. Stephen and his family came out the Tuesday before he passed away.

I think it was about a week before he passed when the boys and I spent time at the hospital and started preparing the funeral. I wrote the Eulogy and Tyler gave it. We reached out to the Solvers and Sister Robin Solver gave Mom ideas about how to navigate the hospital, Dad's wishes, and managing his pain.

Toward the end it wasn't eating or drinking much. The last couple days, it was water and milk shakes. He couldn't talk, but could indicate what he wanted with lip movements (for water or Chapstick was all I saw).

The hospice nurse came in to see Mom and me before he was very close and told us things that we could look for to know when his passing was close. At the time she came, she said it could be several days. The last time I saw him, I checked for some of the signs and knew that it was the last time I'd see him. Mom stayed over night the last two nights and was there when he passed.

After he passed, I had a hard time because academically I knew where he was, but emotionally and spiritually I didn't feel anything. One night, Mom let Jacob and Marie use a large set of colorful markers at her house. Marie was so excited that she started to ask me to tell my Dad about it, but then paused and realized that I couldn't. She asked me to pray and ask Heavenly Father to tell him. So that evening I did. I got the feeling that I was talking to him and that he got a chuckle out of it. That was the peace that I needed to confirm my academic knowledge.

COVID and Dad

As Dad was in the hospital, everything started shutting down during March. The first few days he was in, the hospital ran normally. Then the nurses were required to wear masks. Then the number of visitors got smaller and smaller until only Mom could be there.

The same thing happened with the funeral arrangements. We started planning before he passed. At first, we were told 100 people. Then 50. Then 20. Then family only. We had more than 20 family members there. And the grave side service was limited to 10 people. If he had passed any later, we wouldn't have had a grave side service.

Pre-Hospital

Before Dad passed, he was no longer able to really drive himself much. He normally went to the bank and post office at least once a day, but wasn't making it. One of the boys told me that he was only able to work 2 hours a day. Had I known that, I would have known how poorly he was doing. I tried to check his mail a few times a week when I took Marie to preschool. I took him to some doctor appointments and Spencer helped, too. I know there is more to say about all of this, but this is all I can do for now.

COVID and me

Basically, all my schools switched to remote and I got a lot of extra time to write my dissertation. Jacob had only school (worksheets, online activities, and social video conferences once or twice a month). Marie's preschool stopped cold. I stopped going to the store and Spencer did all the shopping. Sandra (with whom we were living) was worried about supplies, so Spencer did a detailed inventory of her food storage and we were fine. We never ran out of TP. Spencer got a bidet. The stores still had food. The gas prices dropped (there were other factors) and interest rates of mortgages dropped, too.

Jacob - starting to understand puns. Home school and more loving play time
Marie - putting together 30-40 piece puzzles on her own
Charlotte- recognizes when she poops and immediately comes to me with a diaper and asks to be changed
Kristin- transitioned all face to face classes online
Spencer- unemployed, going to school mostly full time, been a great support as my dad was in the hospital and passed.

Jacob's first report card

Charlotte wanted to open the fridge :)

David came out for a job interview before the doctors said Dad wouldn't make it. We all went to see him. Too bad I didn't get Dad in the picture, but he was sleeping and didn't look too great

The boys and I hanging out in Dad's hospital room before the COVID number restriction got enforced. Actually, we all probably shouldn't have been there at the same time, but it was nice. Sandra was very kind and watched the kids so Spencer could be with me.